the fire

i pretty much don't have a blog.

anyway, i went to a rock show last friday. some of my friends and i had gotten tickets the day they went on sale like pre-teens for sanjaya or something. (i seriously do NOT know my teen pop stars. just last night i was talking about a song by christina aguilera that lcd told me was actually beyonce.) the show sold out in maybe like an hour. this was back in march. flash forward to may 4 and lcd and myself are strolling into dar constitution hall for the ar-cade fi-re. this was my third experience with the arcade fire and it was grand. it's the sort of band you would really like to be in if you're going to be in a band. you get to shout stuff and bang on things and play every instrument. speaking of which i have a girl crush on regine. she can play EVERYTHING. and her harmony vocals are out of this world sometimes. she makes me want to be a soprano.

anyway i recently got eager about recording again. lcd and i wrote bass and keyboard parts for "picture" and "rosa" and we tried out a few different bass parts for "david brown" and just couldn't get satisfied. i'd like to finish "rosa" in time to give a completed copy to my brother when we go out for his wedding. i need a stellar volunteer drummer. i can dream. and i can live the dream. just you wait.

Hope, Joy and Peace on the web

I thought you might like to know the results of my internet search on the .com versions of Hope, Joy and Peace.

Hope: Lame, lame search engine where all non-crude junk mail goes to die
Joy: Mining machinery
Peace: Interactive computer systems for utilities (like gas, electric) consumers

I was bewildered, but it's my own fault since I used .com

In other news I am wearing a bright orange sweater today, of which my Grandmother would be proud. I am forcing spring.

Your kindness is a terrible burden to me

I was just reading on sj's blog about opening doors for people and I was thinking--Have you ever held a door open for somebody and they speed up sooo fast they are bascially running? It's as if to say, "Please do not deign to show me your courtesy. Fie fie on your courtesy." Of course one shouldn't go extra slow but people p-lease. It's just a door I'm holding--It's not that heavy. I have been a fast walker in the past and I get the idea. You THINK you're showing appreciation. I've decided though, that what you are showing is a la the blog title.

My ep

Slowly but surely i am recording an ep. My dear lovely boyfriend is helping me every step of the way. He is a patient man. You see, i don't practice enough.

Those who care to know-- this is the tracklist, not necessarily in this order

Picture
The Weight
Rosa (by the Curators--i.e. written by me AND my brother)
David Brown
Zen and the art of software maintenance*

I also might might include my latest one: Got you where I want*

*actual recording has not started on these tracks

I'm excited. We were working on "The Weight" tonite. I confess I might be fondest of that one currently. It's about Ken Lay and some other things.

OK that's all I'm going to say. I mostly wanted to move the political post down the page because I weary of politics.

I also weary of capitalization rules, i guess. I edit all the livelong day and just am not feelin it right now.

Minimum Wage! Eeyaaahh

This is what I wrote as my commentary on the Minimum Wage petition on Harry Reid's site. It's not brilliant or anything, but it is true:

I am a young single professional and though I have not worked for minimum wage in about ten years, I did try and support myself on a very small adjunct professor salary when I got out of graduate school. Finding it utterly impossible and watching myself sink further into debt, I gave up teaching, and found a much better paying job as a government contractor. I had no children to raise but I still could not pay my rent or buy enough food to eat to be healthy. It is inhumane that anyone should not be paid a living wage in this country of great excess. Children whose parents work at minimum wage jobs are at an extreme disadvantage. The minimum wage needs to be raised in order to reduce crime, poverty and hunger and put children on a more equal footing to maintain our peaceful and productive society.

Latest ROCK song

I wrote these song lyrix a little bit ago, but thanks to president number 38 i now have some free time today to post them. It's a pop song, which is probably called "Got you where I want" or some variation on that.

I got you where I want--
right next to me
But then where else
would you want to be?
I don't ask for much,
just some infinite love
in a needle point.

Give me a sweet expression
that shows how you feel
so I can see your heart
is beating for real.
Then when you get stuck
in one of your funks,
I can wait it out.

(Chorus)
I know how it is
Baby I know just how it is
but even so
I still ask for everything
you've got

I know I've got
a lot of nerve
to set out
my demands
How about a million dollars
in unmarked bills
Or just a wink from you?

Got you where I want
(this time I'm for real):
On a skyscraper
on top of a hill.
We're a couple base jumpers
with never-before-
tested parachutes.

(Either Repeat Chorus or the following alternate Chorus?)
But we know how it is
Baby we know just how it is
But even so
It's going to take everything
we've got

You know how it is
Baby you know just how it is
So then why
you wanna take everything?
???
----------------------------------------
I'm playing with the choruses and am undecided on them.

Aperture

So anyway, I was in the Tennessee Mountain Home for Christmas. The big news is that my brother and sister-in-law are having another kid. The two they have already are pretty darn cute.

Sarah is obsessed with all things princess (she's almost three) but her mother has made her memorize the age she must be to get married: 22. Megan is the cutest smiliest kid ever who toddles around and gives kisses. She gave me the cold I have currently. It was a good time to be with the fam and chill.

Stuff that happened over the week:
Family slide show
Dollywood:
--the Smoky Mountain Christmas Production
--Grandma's motorized wheelchair
--Sarah c-racking up about the existence of such a thing as a DOG-wood tree
Little brother made us Peppermint Milkshakes
Festival of presents
Hot tub
Hiking in the snow
Hiking in the not-snow to the classic waterfall.
Roadtrip to pick up lil bro's girlfriend in Nashville.
Guitar concert
Bar-B-Q
Walks with the dog
Tennessee-style Christmas light displays
Going to the movies
Watching videos and episodes of the Office and Seinfeld
Games! Settlers, Pictionary, Imaginiff (ha--the fam did not enjoy this one)
Eating the yummy bread my boyfriend and I made before I left.
Missing him
Playing with the kids

2006 was a great year--and several big things I predicted happened: I fell in love, I got more and more out of debt and I got a new job. One thing that did not happen was my band did not record. In fact, we split up due to regional differences. But we wrote a few good tunes all the same. Also, I did not run a half-marathon. I predict this year that I will complete recording enough songs for an EP, that I will go on an extended backpacking trip, and one more thing that I do not care to put on this blog.

Cellular Meiosis

Here's what I wrote when I arrived home today. I write fiction, remember? So don't think I'm morbid. I am not sure what it is part of:

I die laughing.
Not out loud. Not bursting guffaws in a public setting. It's not whimsical. It's not a mass death.
I die alone.
Laughing to myself about something I read in a book. That I think of telling you about later. It was the funniest thing—this book I'm reading. And I know the smile you'll have. The one that admits you really don't care, but it also says you'll listen—because you love me.
I die crossing the street in rush hour.
The cross walk is awfully far away.
Awful.
And I'm laughing anyway and I start to run with that rush of adrenaline. That momentary what if. What if this car speeds up and doesn't see me in the dark of winter solstice.
And I die.

Inquisitivity

58% inquisitive. I cheated by doing one of those personality tests. FYI, Google is my current favored mechanism of learning. But i found the site for this personality test from Sherpa's blog.

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (46%) medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being assertive and social and being withdrawn and solitary. Accommodation (58%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development (martyr complex). Orderliness (44%) moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, random, scattered, and fun seeking at the expense of structure, reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment. Emotional Stability (62%) moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic. Inquisitiveness (58%) moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Tailor-Made

Later, I'm going to write a post entitled: "Pop goes the cranberry" and it will be about when I get my bridesmaid's dress altered for what'sherface's wedding. Therefore this post has to be about cranberries.

So, I bought cranberries at a certain hipster meets organic meets cheapskate grocery heaven and I decided I love cranberry season. I am a cooking nerd in this post. I made cranberry cream pie and cranberry sauce so far. The pie was fantastic and the sauce good clean yummy fun. You see, fresh cranberries, for those of you that don't know, are horrifying to eat as is. But if you simmer them in water they POP and let out their juicy goodness and the water slowly turns this gorgeous color somewhat reminiscent of blood but with more pink. You also generally need to add some sugar to make them delicious. I personally enjoy being festive, less by decorating and more by an appropriate activity. Like when we went to see the Al Gore movie on the hottest day of the year (not that it isn't also serious, but hey--festive). Why not be festive about cranberry harvesttime?

I feel like I am in an episode of either Reading Rainbow or Mr. Rogers. You tell me why.

Savory Nuggets

This title comes from the phrase used to describe the cat food we used to feed my cat Fiona. Since then, the cat has moved on and so have I. She was a good cat for a time. I realize a lot of people have no love for cats, but I'm actually not that interested in what they have to say--I've heard it plenty. Nor am I terribly interested in espousing the virtues of cats in general and collecting figurines--except when it's just plain funny. I'm just not that interested in generalizations about entire species. I like specifics. I liked Fi, anyhow. And she did send her spirit out to us so we had to go find her at the Humane Society. It's not like it was a random decision born of cat love. It was just something that happened.

The following may or may not be savory but it is a nugget. You see, I am a fiction writer. But I am way out of practice. So I am going to force myself to write story ideas and plots every day. OK, every chance I get. Here's what I've done so far:

How do I write a story? I need a character, I need a something like a problem, I need a setting, I need a beginning middle and end, I need a rhythm and a voice and "the love." And kick-A dialogue.

Character: the boyfriend. Why the heck not? Not mine or anything.
A Something: He has to take his girlfriend's cat to the vet, but he secretly hates the cat.
A setting: They live in the exurbs. He lives in a condo, she lives an apartment her parents are paying for.
The beginning: In the vet's room waiting for the vet, the cat on the table.
Middle: something is wrong with the cat and he has to decide what to tell his girlfriend OR the cat pees on him OR the vet asks him if he's been abusing the cat
End: He realizes why he resents the cat so much, because it symbolizes the loss of his autonomy or something, but this realization probably propels him to a new awareness of l-ove.
A rhythm: Jazz, the cat's name
A voice: a man that is trying very hard to not throw a cat off a bridge
The love: What is it about this man???

Feel free to answer my last question or suggest some more details.

Asparagus

This was going to be about how asparagus makes your pee smell but only forty percent of people can smell it and only forty percent of people produce the smell so, you know, do the math. But instead it's going to be about making relationships work. And compromise. And giving your input. Later. When I'm not late for work.

11/7: Maybe when I'm staying home from work illin'. So I will do a quick summary of the backstory so as not to wax too mundane/personal. It is about a trip to the grocery I took with my dear sweet bf. We were supposed to make a side dish for someone's birthday dinner and he, being the amazing cook that he is, generally takes care of that sort of thing. But then he had this whole thing about why do I always defer to him and I had this thing about well you usually don't like my ideas and you're the cook anyway. blah de blah I was suddenly in charge and wanted to do something with asparagus but the asparagus at the store was gross so we went back to his original plan anyway.

The moral is that communication is hard. And taking turns at making decisions is a bit hard, too. And sort of harder when you love someone. Because you don't want to hurt their feelings and because their feelings can be quite fragile. And a contract like "you get to choose every time it's food, I get to choose every time it's music" probably won't work because people are not segments. But it's really important to learn how to listen. I don't mean normal listening like you're taking notes in school, but gracious and understanding and empathetic listening. It's also really important to learn how to talk. Not just spout off your ideas, but the talk from honest self evaluation, stripped of pride. Totally naked, like asparagus after you peel the outer shell to make spargel suppe. It's hard.

Tetotaling

I am a terrible blogger. Do I care? I am also a cheater. Meanwhile East of Eden is a really good book. And I wrote a new not very good rock song. It's kind of a rock song. It stars LCD and my little bro.

Here are the words:

My boyfriend didn't like this song when I first played it for him
Made it a mockery because he's so smart
He then apologized--it was sincere, so I forgave him
I have some spite left over so he had to forgive me too

I told myself that I wouldn't
succomb to spite
I guess I lied
You see I am just a person
and so much is enough
but I will still try

My little brother's in the desert round a fire circle
There are some things that he would like to learn before he's ready to find his June Carter
He shows the teenagers another way to live that doesn't hurt so bad
Sometimes we all fall down it's in the rules forgive and forget it.

Maybe next time I won't
succomb to spite
over my wounded pride
Though I am just a person
I can do what I want
If I put up a fight

Kindred Spirits

I am so tired. Darn job. Requiring actual hard work. What is up? Anyway since we're talking Kindred, I'll speak of my kinfolk and how bout my little brother and his plan to have a 48 states in 48 days trip sponsored by some beleagured american car manufacturer next summer? maybe this guy is ripe for the picking. i think he'll take other sponsorships too. soft drinks. wireless mobile devices. whatever. the kid likes the open road. and he likes coming up with ideas that JUST MIGHT WORK.

Claymation

Yes I'll get to your silly claymation. But what I am floored by right now is the fact that "recordation" is actually a word. It set off my "not a word" radar but I was wrong. I came upon this piece of sentence in editing: "the tables are used to manage the recordation of financial transactions" and I immediately think, you mean the "recording of financial transactions", since "recordation" is a bloated, though amusing, made-up word. According to dictionary.com I am wrong. Now back to work. The claymation comes later...

Ocular Cavity

Amazingly, I'm not one of those people that quotes So I Married an Axe Murderer or really any movie. My sig. oth. quotes movies and stuff all the time and what he gets from me are mostly blank stares, poor guy. I have never been good at most kinds of memorization. It is sort of the main reason I changed my major in college from the sciences to the arts. Though, with song lyrics I do much better. However, if you get yourself into a predicament wherein you have to write about some topic that came to you from your subconscious (maybe my subconscious has movies memorized--or the stuff I was supposed to learn in Anatomy class) and so you decide to google "Ocular Cavity" you see a surprising number of references to a certain Phil Hartman monologue in a certain cherished comedy from the nineteen nineties. And you might find this interesting website called Four Word Film Reviews and thereby discover a new potential addiction.

Oh, here's the text that goes under the picture up top (which maybe isn't actually a cavity, but I liked it):

Our Eyes and brain divide what we see into a right and left half. In the drawing above, light gray represents the left half; dark gray represents the right half. The eyes invert the image and the left side of what we see ends up in the right side of our brain and visa versa. This all works out because the right side of our brain controls the left side of our bodies and visa versa (the source).

p.s. Happy Birthday Robyn!

Regal

Purple.


Headless.


Apolitical.


Regal.


p.s. The dress is maybe going to be my bridesmaid dress for my friend's wedding--the color is eggplant purple

Rocktastica! Rockstastica!

Here's the way this works. The titles of the next eleven posts will be determined by the first word that comes to my mind cooresponding to the letters in the word Rocktastica. Are you ready for this? Hold tight round yer head as your mind is about to be blown.

Regal
Ocular cavity
Claymation
Kindred spirits
Teetotaling
Asparagus
Savory nuggets
Tailor-made
Inquisitivity
Cellular Meiosis
Aperture


Were you, perhaps, expecting something different?

I would go back and edit that list but I feel the need to be true to my "Art."

I already know what I'm going to say about asparagus. Sit tight, crew.

Working for a Living vs. Getting Paid to Do Nothing

The last couple weeks I have been in limbo land, and let me tell you it's not a very fulfilling place. I have been getting paid (theoretically--my pay check in a couple weeks will tell the truth) for doing nothing--or almost nothing; I have been given a few small tasks to do as I "work" from home. A dream come true, right? Money for Nothing, as they say.



It's like a grant from the NEA (that's a simile--I don't really have a grant). I can do whatever I want. So what did I do? Not much.

I worked on some stories--for a little while, and practiced guitar--a couple times--with a metronome since my timing could use some work. I read the Bible (it's true). And I wasted endless hours surfing the net. But everything I did happened in short spurts. I figured if I get too carried away and my employer calls me or sends me an email and needs me to do something right away (which actually did happen a few times) I'll look like a dufus if I miss it. And my conscience kept weighing me down so I would send frequent emails: "Anything I can help you with?" "Has my laptop been approved yet?" "Anybody i should contact to speed things along?" "Am I REALLY getting paid right now?"

The result is that a good portion of the time I just felt like a loser, since I was not being of use. And I felt like a loser because I was not managing my time to complete any projects that I feel are really important--like sending out my work for publication. AND I felt like an impostor when I talked to people with "real jobs" about my day.

Today the real work starts. I might not even like it. It is technical writing, for the sake of poor pete. It's not something people get really excited about. But I know I can do it. And I can do it well. And I can be of use and do my part to increase the efficiency of the federal government (hah!). Soon we shall see which I prefer. Which do you think you would prefer, random blog readers?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a completely other note, the actor that played Owen Meany did a supremely excellent job conjuring his essence. The show was very entertaining, though the climactic scene lost a little oomph from its original telling. It is a very cool to see a drama you know rendered on stage by people that (at least mostly) get it.

A Prayer for Owen Meany

I'm going to see a play tonight at the Roundhouse Theatre in Bethesda, MD. It's been a while since I've read John Irving's novel, but I remember where I was when I read it. I was taking the Amtrak from Denver to Newark, NJ via Chicago. Especially fond in my memory is waking in the early morning and making my way to the site-seeing car to watch snowy western PA pass by and read A Prayer for Owen Meany. I could not take my mind off the wild and gregarious pipsqueak Jesus-figure of Meany and it was like everyone I saw on the train was a version of the lonely and jaded narrator, for whom nothing else mattered after Owen Meany, just wandering. To me, Irving is one of the greatest story crafters of the modern age, one of a handful operating at the weird intersection between literature and pop fiction, and an heir to Dickens (i did not come up with that, many have said so). I am excited to see one of the more memorable characters from the latter 20th century on stage. Yee-ha. The script was actually approved by Irving so it will have to be good. And funny. I remember that book being sooo funny. I'll let you know how it is.