STUCK

SO yesterday after reading Sherpa's blog entry I got really excited about working on my novel, which, I wonder if that even could have been the original writer's intent. I mean probably not, but I find all the time these days I am choosing to think of the opposite of the cynical thing, which makes me happy. So it can't be that bad, right? Even jokes referring to Sheryl Crow songs are not so bad. They aren't!

[Oh right, if you just happened upon by my blog you might have no idea that I am supposed to be A WRITER. I even went to three years of grad school for it. I certainly don't show it on this blog as I think I am usually embarassed about my recent lack of efforts in this area. I also do very little editing on this blog b/c I am SOOO sick of it. It is the main thing I do at work, where I have sold my soul to the man. I justify the job by saying it helps support El Esposo to save souls.]

Anyway I have written many a short story and I have tried to write a novel before but it just ended up being eighty pages of ruminations on "what if I were a twelve year old again?" Then at the end of last year I got a good idea. Something I really, really want to explore in fiction. Most of the fiction I write tends to answer the question "why does a person act like X or do Y?" and this one is a really interesting question to me. The gist is "How can a person possibly forgive something THAT bad? PLUS, how can a person change into something so forgiveable?" I'm not going to get into the specifics so you don't steal my idea, but anyway I've been writing many scenes with the main character and watching her morph and be funny and obnoxious and sweet and vindictive and cunning and clueless and just ALL HER and I LOVE IT.

However, I am STUCK. I have BEEN stuck, actually. This is because I am horrible at plotting. Seriously, if I could just steal an ounce of John Irving's plotting skills or maybe even J.K. Rowling's (the lady can write a compelling plot), I think I would probably be unstoppable.

Okay, enough self-congratulation plus self-pity. What I need is to figure out a couple of key things: 1) How does the betrayal go down? and 2) What does character X do for a living when he grows up?

I learned something in grad school. I learned a lot of somethings, but I learned something about myself. I learned that it is out of my weakness that I will find the pieces to build the grandest stories. It is only after much pain and defeat that I can do anything really. It's possible that this is true for lots of people.

Yet here I am waiting for brilliance to descend upon me . . .

The thing I already know is if I care enough to write a good novel I will have to slog through my own suckiness for many miles. It's called "get to work."