Yesterday, Little A pointed at my cell phone and said "baby" (her newest word, I think). At first I started to say, "Actually sweetie that's a phone," but then I looked at my phone and noticed there was a picture of her as my wallpaper. Har har. She is a baby after all.
Let it be known that babies generally know what they are talking about. So, instead I said "that is a baby. I know her. Do you know her? Is that Little A?" No response.
So Little A knows that she is a baby. But, does she know that she is her? Hmmmmmmm . . .
On another note, one year ago today was my official resignation from my job. I can't believe it's been a whole year. No wonder the money is running out (hahahaha . . . le sigh).
30 November 2010
25 November 2010
Thanksgiving Post
I feel like I owe the universe a Thanksgiving blog this year. Though one of the harder years to date, this year has been so jam-packed full of blessings it's not really even fair. I'm sort of overwhelmed with it all, actually, and I've got to get back to that turkey, so I'll just pick a few:
My husband: He is my true love. He is a better daddy than I had ever imagined my children would have. He is my best friend. He is the one that made that last post possible as he was with me every step. When I felt depressed and helpless after I had our sweet babe, he was the only person I could talk to without feeling like I had cotton balls in my mouth. I could say every word and I knew he heard it. I have thought often about how challenging the newborn time was but that I would rather have ten colicky babies than have to trade for a less supportive husband. (UNIVERSE that is NOT a challenge--totally cool with #2 being an angel baby.) Never did I expect I would be so blessed in the man department. He should probably get another dedicated post next week when we turn three, but I will try not to gross my 3-4 readers out too much.
My ANGEL baby: Okay so she may not fit the common description of angel baby = EASY and content, but she is absolute fun and sweetness and delight. She shows me every day how fantastic it is to experience everything around us. One of her most frequent words recently is "wow." She has so much love in her. She smiles at almost every person she sees. Everyone is her friend. It's contagious too: I find myself smiling at strangers. I wish it could stay that way. She is JOYFUL. She also teaches me how to be a mom. I wasn't sure I was ready when she came (though I was very excited), but she has made me ready. She is an incredible gift.
--BREAK for FEASTING ---------------
The feast was wonderful. Everything went well. The turkey was flavorful. The twenty bazillion hour gravy was very tasty but salty. The sidedishes everyone brought were superb. And the cranberries were maybe the best part. (Side note: I made cranberry cream pie and had a bit of a fit the night before during the crust rolling which I hate and am terrible at. My husband promised we could buy a crust next time. Of course then we ate the pie and homemade crust is so delicious. Maybe next time LCD can try rolling the crust?)
-----------------------------------
More thankfulness:
Insight: Not mine, usually, but the insight of others has made my life so much better this year. For example, my sister-in-law that I very rarely talk to, packed up and sent her electric breastpump (don't worry, it was the Ameda, which is the only one that is really considered okay to use and pass on) with my Mom when she came out last December. Boy, did I need that thing. And how about my younger brother that just rocks at keeping things in perspective and sharing little bits of wisdom almost every time I talk to him? Or whoever it was that mentioned what kind of sippy cups worked really well for their kid? Once my daughter learned to drink out of one there was finally hope for her not being constipated all the time, poor babe. These are just a few random examples. I feel like I have lived by the insight of others this year.
Is there more?
My husband: He is my true love. He is a better daddy than I had ever imagined my children would have. He is my best friend. He is the one that made that last post possible as he was with me every step. When I felt depressed and helpless after I had our sweet babe, he was the only person I could talk to without feeling like I had cotton balls in my mouth. I could say every word and I knew he heard it. I have thought often about how challenging the newborn time was but that I would rather have ten colicky babies than have to trade for a less supportive husband. (UNIVERSE that is NOT a challenge--totally cool with #2 being an angel baby.) Never did I expect I would be so blessed in the man department. He should probably get another dedicated post next week when we turn three, but I will try not to gross my 3-4 readers out too much.
My ANGEL baby: Okay so she may not fit the common description of angel baby = EASY and content, but she is absolute fun and sweetness and delight. She shows me every day how fantastic it is to experience everything around us. One of her most frequent words recently is "wow." She has so much love in her. She smiles at almost every person she sees. Everyone is her friend. It's contagious too: I find myself smiling at strangers. I wish it could stay that way. She is JOYFUL. She also teaches me how to be a mom. I wasn't sure I was ready when she came (though I was very excited), but she has made me ready. She is an incredible gift.
--BREAK for FEASTING ---------------
The feast was wonderful. Everything went well. The turkey was flavorful. The twenty bazillion hour gravy was very tasty but salty. The sidedishes everyone brought were superb. And the cranberries were maybe the best part. (Side note: I made cranberry cream pie and had a bit of a fit the night before during the crust rolling which I hate and am terrible at. My husband promised we could buy a crust next time. Of course then we ate the pie and homemade crust is so delicious. Maybe next time LCD can try rolling the crust?)
-----------------------------------
More thankfulness:
Insight: Not mine, usually, but the insight of others has made my life so much better this year. For example, my sister-in-law that I very rarely talk to, packed up and sent her electric breastpump (don't worry, it was the Ameda, which is the only one that is really considered okay to use and pass on) with my Mom when she came out last December. Boy, did I need that thing. And how about my younger brother that just rocks at keeping things in perspective and sharing little bits of wisdom almost every time I talk to him? Or whoever it was that mentioned what kind of sippy cups worked really well for their kid? Once my daughter learned to drink out of one there was finally hope for her not being constipated all the time, poor babe. These are just a few random examples. I feel like I have lived by the insight of others this year.
Is there more?
19 November 2010
The year in milk production
In a couple weeks I earn my golden ta-tas for one year of service. I'm sure plenty of people will think this comparison is ridiculous but I feel almost like a deployed soldier. Motherhood itself is very much an "in the trenches" activity--or it can be. How a mommy feeds her baby, specifically, seems to be such a personal thing and a journey of self-discovery for so many of us mommies. I would never judge any mom that ended up making different choices than I did re: what to feed her babies (assuming it's relatively healthy of course), but for me I feel like I've really earned the right to say "I can do hard things."
For some moms, maybe breastfeeding was the easy part. For others maybe it wasn't the thing for them or they weren't able to do it--I guarantee to you that I would not have managed it if I had gone back to work full-time as I am not a good pumper. I know for some, their journey of self-discovery includes them having to make the gut-wrenching decision to stop trying to swim upstream, that it is best for their baby and family to formula-feed. But, this is my blog, and for me breastfeeding was both very difficult AND the right thing to do.
At the hospital the nurses said, "You're doing everything you're supposed to. I don't know why it's not working. Just keep trying, I guess?"
Then the one lactation consultant said, "You may just not be able to breastfeed."
But the other one said, "You've definitely got something (colostrum) in there. Don't give up. Try this," and then she would forcibly shove my newborn's face against me and MAKE IT WORK. She was kind of nuts, but she was also the one that gave me hope. I needed that hope when I was waiting 7 or 8 days for my milk to come in (for the uninitiated, that's late).
Next came the endless (baby) crying and the doctor saying she had lost more than 10% of her birth weight and we would have to supplement after feeding. Oh noes. The books I read said supplementing was the beginning of the end for breastfeeding. I was, of course, distraught. It's very easy to become distraught when you are a new mom.
Well, not so, says the lady two weeks shy of the one year mark for breastfeeding (ahem: me). Sometimes your baby just needs a little extra help to live. And sleep. And grow. You might still be able to feed them 80-90% of what they need (or maybe not, but you gotta do what you gotta do).
So marathon feedings, and colicky baby, and acid reflux, and supplements (first after every feeding day and night and eventually consolidated), and mastitis x 2, and mommy's depression, and squirming, wriggling, distracted, and how-could-I-forget biting baby, and how can it be worth it? How can still waking up at 5 am every morning for the early morning feed be worth it at this point? I'll be honest: possibly the biggest motivator this whole time has been the fact that I am cheap. We only ever had to buy two things of formula (hooray for free samples), so score one for the cheap lady. And yes there is that magical moment at 5 am, or 2:30 am if that's when she's feeling it, when the baby smiles at only her mommy while the world sleeps, and that is pretty neat too. Okay it's really neat.
I recently read an article about how breastfeeding moms need more support to be successful. There's no doubt it would be a lot easier for would-be-breast feeders if pumping at work was encouraged rather than simply allowed (and then only if you can make it fit into your meeting schedules, etc., and oh yeah possibly in the bathroom stall). And if lactation consultants were covered by insurance and easy to find (maybe at the pediatrician's office!).
But the bizarre thing to me about the article were the angry comments from one mom to another. This first year of new baby is hard enough without the judging, or the even more prevalent judging the judgers (huh?). I try to just ignore this oddly vindictive/defensive back-and-forth and focus on the fact that I did what I thought I could not and I am a stronger person and mom for it.
I think just about every mom can say that about something. I am sure that my own mom can. She can also say that she stood by me as I became a mom for the first time, during the fumbling, no-sleeping, clueless, helpless, energy-sapping, scary time post-hospital and pre-sanity return. I wonder if that was a "hard thing" for her. Maybe after raising four kids nothing is hard anymore. In any case, moms are awesome.
I sure hope I can be an awesome mom. Maybe little A will tell me so in about 31 years.
For some moms, maybe breastfeeding was the easy part. For others maybe it wasn't the thing for them or they weren't able to do it--I guarantee to you that I would not have managed it if I had gone back to work full-time as I am not a good pumper. I know for some, their journey of self-discovery includes them having to make the gut-wrenching decision to stop trying to swim upstream, that it is best for their baby and family to formula-feed. But, this is my blog, and for me breastfeeding was both very difficult AND the right thing to do.
At the hospital the nurses said, "You're doing everything you're supposed to. I don't know why it's not working. Just keep trying, I guess?"
Then the one lactation consultant said, "You may just not be able to breastfeed."
But the other one said, "You've definitely got something (colostrum) in there. Don't give up. Try this," and then she would forcibly shove my newborn's face against me and MAKE IT WORK. She was kind of nuts, but she was also the one that gave me hope. I needed that hope when I was waiting 7 or 8 days for my milk to come in (for the uninitiated, that's late).
Next came the endless (baby) crying and the doctor saying she had lost more than 10% of her birth weight and we would have to supplement after feeding. Oh noes. The books I read said supplementing was the beginning of the end for breastfeeding. I was, of course, distraught. It's very easy to become distraught when you are a new mom.
Well, not so, says the lady two weeks shy of the one year mark for breastfeeding (ahem: me). Sometimes your baby just needs a little extra help to live. And sleep. And grow. You might still be able to feed them 80-90% of what they need (or maybe not, but you gotta do what you gotta do).
So marathon feedings, and colicky baby, and acid reflux, and supplements (first after every feeding day and night and eventually consolidated), and mastitis x 2, and mommy's depression, and squirming, wriggling, distracted, and how-could-I-forget biting baby, and how can it be worth it? How can still waking up at 5 am every morning for the early morning feed be worth it at this point? I'll be honest: possibly the biggest motivator this whole time has been the fact that I am cheap. We only ever had to buy two things of formula (hooray for free samples), so score one for the cheap lady. And yes there is that magical moment at 5 am, or 2:30 am if that's when she's feeling it, when the baby smiles at only her mommy while the world sleeps, and that is pretty neat too. Okay it's really neat.
I recently read an article about how breastfeeding moms need more support to be successful. There's no doubt it would be a lot easier for would-be-breast feeders if pumping at work was encouraged rather than simply allowed (and then only if you can make it fit into your meeting schedules, etc., and oh yeah possibly in the bathroom stall). And if lactation consultants were covered by insurance and easy to find (maybe at the pediatrician's office!).
But the bizarre thing to me about the article were the angry comments from one mom to another. This first year of new baby is hard enough without the judging, or the even more prevalent judging the judgers (huh?). I try to just ignore this oddly vindictive/defensive back-and-forth and focus on the fact that I did what I thought I could not and I am a stronger person and mom for it.
I think just about every mom can say that about something. I am sure that my own mom can. She can also say that she stood by me as I became a mom for the first time, during the fumbling, no-sleeping, clueless, helpless, energy-sapping, scary time post-hospital and pre-sanity return. I wonder if that was a "hard thing" for her. Maybe after raising four kids nothing is hard anymore. In any case, moms are awesome.
I sure hope I can be an awesome mom. Maybe little A will tell me so in about 31 years.
18 November 2010
Mind: blown
I just found out someone I know now also knows a lot of the same people I knew twenty years ago! For the last nineteen years I have been wondering how my first fake boyfriend has been doing since he moved away when I was thirteen (he happened to have a disease that can drastically shorten your lifespan). It turns out he is doing fine. It might be weird that I care so much but I am actually thrilled to hear this.
One of his sisters was actually the first person I knew of that had the name of my now-daughter. Yup, the seed was planted a long time ago. I feel like everything has come full circle and am waiting for the final cosmic whatsit to hit the fan.
One of his sisters was actually the first person I knew of that had the name of my now-daughter. Yup, the seed was planted a long time ago. I feel like everything has come full circle and am waiting for the final cosmic whatsit to hit the fan.
15 November 2010
The Cap'n
To remember: My little babe called every animal at the farm/park we went to a "dog." She also gets so excited every time she sees actual dogs when we are out and about. She will continue to point to the spot we last saw a dog and say "dog" long after it has moved on. For some time she has been calling all round objects balls. At Halloween every time we saw a pumpkin she would point like a wild woman and say "ball! ball!" She is so excited about life. Oh, "ball" is also usually the first thing we hear her say when she wakes up in the morning. So maybe she dreams of them? Let's see: loves dogs, dreams of balls. Pants when excited. Maybe I gave birth to a puppy instead of a baby.
I love her.
10 November 2010
I love November
I was expecting to hate this month. I get really anxious about the darker days and being stuck inside, especially considering how depressed I was last winter ( = clinically so). But it has been lovely so far: sunny and not too cold and just beautiful and crisp with autumn all around us. I have played outside with my baby the last three days in a row and plan to keep it up. Also... baby swimming lessons started! And we are hosting Thanksgiving and I'm excited to get my hands on a turkey. I feel like we've just mooched for the past many years and I spend most of Thanksgiving standing around like a doofus. Not this year. Oh yeah, and who could forget HP7? Finally, I am thinking about little A's first birthday. We're not really doing a party but it just feels like such an accomplishment to have survived the year and have a happy baby to show for it. She's so happy lately!
Here's hoping December, January, and (ugh) February can keep being awesome.
08 November 2010
Ker-splat
She's learning how to walk. What a battle it is. She's got chin scrapes, bumps on her forehead, random red spot under her eye. Poor baby. But she battles on, with that enormous head of hers. Okay it's not that enormous--it's just above average. However, her body is now like 10th percentile or so. Basically, she's got a 12 monther's head on a 6 monther's body. So . . . bonk. Bam. Ker-splat.
Here's another picture just for fun:
I'm sneaking in this last one several days later because I don't think we've showed off her teeth yet. Ta daa:
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