Second Time Around

4 weeks to go (okay 3 1/2) and I am of about thirty minds.

I'm pretty tired and uncomfortable (nothing surprisingly so--I have to admit I have pretty average pregnancies, maybe even on the easy side), and think about the future wherein most of my clothes more or less fit.

I also want to enjoy every last minute with my precious oldest child. I don't know that I can give words to how awesome she is and how lucky I am to have her. And what a great Daddy she has, by the way.



I'm scared, a little. Less than I thought I would be, but it's still there. Taking my fish oil like a champ to ward off depression. Doing my preggo workout to ward off repeat tears from hell. All the while the serenity prayer plays in the background.

I'm unprepared. So far the child owns two shirts (only one will fit him right away). No bags packed, no carseat loaded, no bassinet set up, no clue on his name. We still have time.

At least I am 99.9% convinced we still have plenty of time. Not expecting this kid before spring arrives officially. I could be wrong, but I don't think so. Yes I am setting myself up for karma to kick my butt.

I feel ready. Which is kind of odd, since I'm not. But I think I can love this baby. I think I can be mom in a family of four. I think I can handle whatever he throws my way, because I will have my sweet sunshiney two-year-old with me to remind me that nothing lasts long. Well nothing except that welded-forever feeling.

Yet, I am clueless about the logistics of it all. I feel like I can picture us hanging around the house, but I can't quite picture how I will get two kids in the car without losing one (uh the two-year-old).

I'm excited to have LCD home with me for six weeks! What. The. Awesome.

I'm excited to "go into" labor. No forcing or cajoling. No drugs, no fears beyond the normal stuff. I hope I get to experience that.

I know I might not experience that. And I'm okay with it. I think.

I do have this suspicion that having two of them might make me seem or feel more legitimate as a parent. Not that I'm pretending now or anything. But just that I only know how to do it one way. Soon I'll be able to compare with a sample group of two instead of one.

I'm a little worried that none of the things that worked for Little A will work for this one. But it also makes me oddly hopeful, since almost nothing worked for Little A as a newborn. I mean, what are the odds of having two in a row like that?

Diaper changes might be a little different this time.

I just don't see how "sleep when the baby sleeps" has any hope of working this time. "Sleep when the baby sleeps while simultaneously the toddler deigns to actually stay down for a nap?" Again, can I say how excited I am to have LCD home with me for six weeks?

I'm so happy it's almost spring. And it's staying light out til 6:00!

Well, that's fifteen, which is probably already three times as much as anyone wanted to read, so I think I'll call it good.

Random kid stuff

I'm 90% sure we're signing up Little A for preschool next year. We went to visit a couple recently and she was in LOVE with the idea of preschool after that. She would be in a 2 1/2 yr old class, which is kind of pre-preschool (meaning not much curriculum). I felt conflicted about it for a while since I first had the idea as a way to SAVE money since the hourly rate for preschool is less than that of a babysitter and I do have to get her babysat a couple times during the week when I am working. But my work is so very unpredictable that there are bound to be times she is going to preschool while I am bringing in approximately squat $. But I think we have finally settled on it being worth it anyway, partially because Little A loves other kids but has very little concept of how to interact with the ones that are actually her age and that don't see everything she does as automatically "cute." And because of a little something I like to call discipline fatigue.

Also, I realized today that I am six weeks away from my official due date (which I think is off by a few days, but whatever I'm in the ballpark) for baby brother. To my surprise, even though we technically aren't ready (no diapers, no clothes, house in shambles, etc.), I kind of feel ready for this. I am not scared out of my mind like I thought I would be. I know it's a whole new ballgame with two, but I feel like I waded through a lot of crap to get to where I can feel confident that I am not a horrible parent. Sure my kids will bear some scars from my mistakes, but I think they will be okay. And sure I will be a wrecked, tired, bumbling fool for at least the first six weeks (if not six months), but I've done this before. This is probably just my mood of the moment, but I think I will let it be for a while.

I just ordered LCD a couple CDs for his birthday. Is that even a legitimate thing to do anymore?