Summer's coming soon

I scheduled this post exactly two months ago on a random day that I remembered this song, listened to it, and bawled my eyes out thinking of a certain December.

Then, today, I realized we haven't had much (any?) snow yet and it hasn't been super cold so it's not as appropriate a song choice. But still, it is dang dark out there. Happy solstice to all! It's summer before you know it.

P.s., the video is just from some person of the internet, but the song is by Fountains of Wayne.

Pain

In church today someone gave a great talk about the atonement of Christ and how he took upon him all of our pains, sicknesses, shortcomings, sins, etc we experience. As a metaphor the guy kept using this story of how he had this terrible back pain and how it was healed via a steroid shot in his back (which was also scary and painful, but not as painful or long-term as the back pain).

The last couple weeks I have finally started to feel truly pregnant (obvious bump, baby moving enough to sometimes be seen from the outside, and various aches and pains). This last week in particular, back pain has become my new constant companion. Today is definitely the worst back pain I have ever experienced. Standing up? Yowza. Turning? Ouch. Picking up the toddler and putting her back down? Help me, dear Lord. I tried heat and exercises and I still feel like crap. So there I was, sitting in church, really getting in touch with my back pain and its purpose as the speaker talked about some really smart guy that said something like all pain is purposeful or beautiful or whatever.

And the pain I have, sucky though it is, is nothing like the pain others I have known are going through or have gone through. Truth be told, it's not nearly as bad as the pain of a fourth degree tear I myself have experienced, though it's similar in its persistence. But, while I'm cursing this guy in my mind for choosing such a perfect metaphor, I'm wondering if there is something to that whole getting through pain by experiencing the heck out of it thing. Just examining it, following its pathway through the body, describing it to yourself--making it realer than real so you can then let go of it. Maybe this is a question for Nurse Dave. In the meantime, I am off to google some more remedies.

D-E-E-E-E-E-L

"That spells daddy!"

Ha ha. Just didn't want to forget Little A's earliest "spelling" attempts.

My big girl

The other night, when she had only been using her "big girl bed" for a few days I woke up to Little A's hysterical crying (LCD snoozed through it like the professional sleeper he is) and came in to see what happened. I found her on the floor, looking disoriented and scared. She was shaking as she sobbed.

"M-m-m-mommy. Is it book time?"

"No, sweetheart, it's night-night time," I gathered her up in my arms and she snuggled up to me.

"Should we open the curtains?"

"No. Right now it's time for sleeping."

"Should we turn the yight on?" (y=l)

"Not right now."

"Should we sing the sunshine song?" This is the question that made me melt.

"Of course. Let's sing the sunshine song." I held her tight and sang "You Are My Sunshine" with a couple made-up verses thrown in and she slowly got calmer and calmer.

Then she said, "Should [Little A] sing the sunshine song?"

"Yes," I said and waited for her to do what she was going to do (I didn't know). When she didn't start I sang "You are my . . ." and THEN she started singing and sang every word including "You never know dear, how much I yove you."

It broke my heart.

I love that little girl so much. She IS my sunshine. I'm no perfect mom. Wasn't from the beginning and I'm still not. I get exasperated by her energy. I get so impatient when she goes nuts on one of her favorite books and tears it up. When, on the 4,982nd diaper change of her life she screams and shouts "no, mommy!" and wiggles and wipes poo on the wall, and it's not like we haven't been through this before and I haven't told you why it's important to change your diaper. When all the other kids in the class/at the store/at church seem to stay right next to their parent and listen quietly, but she thinks every moment of life is a chance to scream and run. Of course my getting exasperated doesn't do squat. So my new mom resolution is no yelling at her. I've done it a few more times than I would like in my desperate moments and it gets me nowhere and I am quite ashamed, to be honest.

She IS my sunshine. Though it can be tiresome for me, how beautiful is it that she thinks just about every moment of life is a chance to scream and run? A chance to shout and sing. A chance to grab me around the legs and shout "I yove you, mommy!" A chance to go to the next great adventure, all the while beckoning "Come on, mommy!" (as if to say you don't want to miss this). A chance to win over a new friend with smiles and peek-a-boos and sudden hugging with no warning (we're working on asking "do you want a hug?" still).

The other day we spent a good five minutes making silly, shocked faces at each other and cracking up after singing "when the bough breaks, the cradle will . . .Aaagh!"

My precious and precocious kiddo, I never could have dreamed such a wonderful whole child such as you are. Our family has been so blessed by your absolute radiance. Happy 2nd birthday, my love.

This year's anniversary

We went to see a play at the Shakespeare Theatre on Saturday. It was delightfully rendered and a fun escape, but da-ang if the travel time doesn't seem like a bigger deal when you're paying a babysitter. And today (the actual day) I'm cleaning the house. And I got him some flowers. And I picked a random picture of us to frame from the trip we took to Italy 2 1/2 yrs ago (see above). And we're going out to dinner WITH the child (see earlier reference to babysitting expense).

I'll share a secret with you guys: this is how my face looks in the first trimester with a girl:


Another secret: there are several photos that I look worse in than that one, but I am too vain to share. Luckily, it was not nearly so bad this time with the boy. Anyway, I definitely had to retouch (*cough* de-zit) the pic up top to make it look like I was not suffering from any plagues at the time. I mean, why spoil the memories?

I continue to be happily married and I wish that on everyone (if you want it, that is). A better partner for me, I could not possibly devise.