That's what the security guard said to me this morning as I walked into the building. But, being the astute observer of vocal tone that I am, I could tell he was being sarcastic. We're not friends or anything, though I do recognize him as one of five security guards I am likely to meet upon entering the building. So a virtual stranger was basically telling what sort of facial expression I ought to have.
Here's the thing: I was in no way grumpy or in a foul mood at all. From what I remember, I was just thinking over some logic problem in my head--something I often do (while vaguely preparing to give some sort of courteous nod)--and he startled me out of my thoughts. The best I could say was "Oh. Sorry."
I have never figured out the right response in this scenario, which happens with relative frequency and has for pretty much my whole life. Since I was a kid, I have had a big tendency to both a) daydream and b) be totally unaware of my facial expressions.
So what should I say when someone points out an expression I am giving which I am totally oblivious to? (side-note: my husband does not completely buy my claim that I am oblivious, but just because he studied psychology doesn't mean he knows everything.) And is it cool for a complete stranger to be telling me what to do anyway?
I'm thinking if I had a prepared response to this situation, it would be a very handy piece of equipment for my life--nothing too snarky as I'm interested in simplifying and defusing the situation so I can move on. Do any of the 3 or 4 people that read this blog have an idea?
4 comments:
I just noticed I'm like that too. I go totally into my own little world. I have co-workers who make comments about my facial expressions when I'm on the computer. They always know when I'm in the middle of a tricky problem.
I dated a very imaginitive character once and one time I noticed he had a spaced out look on his face as we sat eating lunch at the resturant. "What are you thinking I said?" "I was thinking about how to make the ketchup bottle better." I think that's a good response to any question like that.
There really are times when I'm thinking about nothing but no one believes me either.
I used to get that all the time on campus. Except I was apparently not even approachable with a "Don't look so happy." It was more like "I saw you earlier today walking across campus." "Why didn't you say hi?!" "You looked pissed!" I guess I get a really pissed-off, serious look on my face while I'm walking. Who grins like an idiot while they're walking by themselves, though? Anyway, you wish to "simplify and defuse" the situation. I suggest snapping out of your reverie with a quick grin, dancing eyes and a laugh and saying "Oh, sorry! Hi, how are you?!" And keep on moving.
I actually have a pet peeve for strange guys on the street who like to say "smile more" to me. Why would I smile unless I was happy? I'm just walking somewhere. I don't have to smile for that. I'm not sad, I'm not angry, I'm just walking.
hm. i like to consider possible responses from various popular personalities.
Fox Mulder: but how can be happy when i still haven't finished my search for... The Truth?
Ira Glass: that sounds like a great story idea, what is it about walking alone that makes Americans reflect happiness, boredom, or misery?
Aldous Huxley: upon consideration, i find your comment completely irrelevant to my perception of life or consciousness. however, the stain of coffee on your sleeve is of ultimate interest.
and so on. feel free to use any of the above.
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