. . . so far, anyway.
Little A was being a stinker at lunch and throwing food on the floor (she's been doing this for almost a year now but it has slowed down recently as I think she pretty much "gets" gravity). So we went through the same routine as always where she does not get back anything that went on the floor and afterwards she has to clean it up. I'm not sure how much she learns from this, as she seems to think cleaning up is a game, but what is discipline if not consistent repetition ad nauseum?
So first she picks up all the pasta she threw down and puts it in the bowl--no problem. Then I ask her to pick up the string cheese and put it in the bowl too. "No," she says, and tries to hurry away. So I grab her, re-explain the situation, get another flat refusal, and then hold her while she screams and yells "no! no! no!" We continue in this fashion for a minute or two, me telling her what she must do over and over, her continued refusal, each of us getting more and more frustrated, and then my brain starts to work.
What is the goal here?
To get Little A to clean up her mess.
What about putting the string cheese in the bowl?
As long as she cleans it up, the message gets across.
So, I ask her if she would rather put the string cheese in the garbage and I get almost instant compliance. And from then on she's happy as though nothing had disturbed her.
Um.
My guess is that it seemed very wrong to her to combine the pasta with the string cheese in the bowl. It upset her sense of order.
So there we were in the middle of the power struggle and I'm sure it seemed very important to both of us that we win. But Little A doing EXACTLY what I say was only important as far as my ego was concerned. For the lesson to be learned, the methods could easily be modified. I'm reading this parenting book called Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles and it talks about (among other things) how power struggles are really an opportunity to learn from your child and discover what sort of emotions drive them. It was interesting to experience what the author talks about today.
Toddlers are strange little creatures, but I'm finding more and more that there is a weird sort of logic to their madness.
2 comments:
Wonderful teaching moment for us parents. I find I have to always give two choices that will lead to the same result and let them choose. A new one I picked up was instead of giving the children a 5 minute warning before we have to leave, say the play ground, I ask them, "Do you want to leave now or in 5 minute?" They are always happy to choose to leave in 5 minutes. Although, in this circumstance I'm seeing that Hunter, the eldest, is learning that when it is actually time to go he thinks he can again choose the option to leave in 5 minutes. So, we'll have to work on that one.
Amanda, That is a great idea. Thanks for the tip.
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