So there was an earthquake here yesterday. Other than it being a creepy sign of the times it was no big deal. A hurricane coming this weekend could be a big deal for people on the coast. I'm hoping not. But anyway, for me, the scariest moment of the day, week, and possibly year happened yesterday and had nothing to do with natural disasters.
Here's how it went down:
The weather has been so wonderfully mild recently that I left the front door open after LCD went to work (closed the storm door of course) for some extra light. Little A and I ate and after breakfast I let the toddler scamper off to the next room (living room) while I did a little basic clean-up. Then I brought a sippy cup of milk in to the living room. "Here ya go, sweetie." Normally she will run for the milk and say something, but she did not and I was in a rush because I had just remembered somewhere we needed to be so I just left the room, closing the basement door as I passed it. Then I noticed in the bathroom mirror that my bangs looked ridiculous so I went in to wet them down and such. About thirty seconds later I came out of the bathroom and went to collect Little A in the living room, but she wasn't there and the milk was untouched. So I looked around in the other rooms and then I thought maybe she had gone upstairs so I went up there and looked in all the rooms. No kid. Okay, maybe she's hiding, I think, as she has escaped my view before by being behind a chair or something similar. So I start calling her name, running back downstairs and looking behind everything. Then I notice the front door that is still open (storm door still closed). Has she learned how to open the storm door? So I ran outside calling her name, starting to panic, and getting flashes of invented-sexual-predator in my brain. I look in every direction I can think of, it really has not been that long for her to get very far, but I see nothing. I run back inside trying to collect my thoughts. Could a sexual predator have run off with her that fast? Maybe. Now I am screaming her name and dashing around the house when I notice the basement door, still totally closed. I throw it open, run down the stairs, and there she is, playing quietly with her stupid alligator toy and blocks (what? she does not play quietly!). I burst into sobs on the spot and hugged her, all of which upset her a little bit since all the while she had just been chilling. My heart was racing and I couldn't get the image of invented-sexual-predator out of my mind.
Even though most of this happened in my head, it felt very traumatic. Now I wonder how I will ever deal with losing her at the mall one day when she's nine. Later, when the earthquake started and I picked her up and stood in a doorway I felt such relief that I was able to help protect her and keep her safe in that instant. When it was over I told her, "That was an earthquake," and it felt very comforting and parental to be able to say it.
It blows my mind sometimes to think about how mom-like I have become, but what else do you do when something so fragile, complicated, exasperating, and wonderful is in your solitary care most of the time?
Oh, I figured out that she must have already been in the basement when I shut the door, just in case you were wondering.
6 comments:
I had a moment like that. My front door and door to the garage are right next to each other. I was in the garage installing a car seat that had just been washed. The kids were standing at the garage door watching me. Then I suppose they got bored because they shut the door. I figured they just went back into the living room. I was done within two minutes of them shutting the door. I come back in and the front door was cracked. I expected to open the door and see them right there in the entryway. Ummm...no. So, I then begin to panic and run down the walk way. They were as far as the next house over starting to cross the street. I was so freaked out. My assumption was they were on there way to our friends house that live a block down. Oh, the possibilities of what could have been. I couldn't be mad at them. At that moment you are just glad they are alright. I never explained to them that they aren't to open the front door. They certainly know now.
We all have had those moments. But I think the key, for our own sanity, is not to get all Lifetime movie/CNNHN panicky and think the worst, ie sexual predators or kidnapped. I mean, obviously they exist, but I'm willing to bet that 1) there are not any more of these people around today than when we were kids (they just get more publicity now from paranoid moms!) and 2) we all had WAY more freedom than we would ever allow our kids to have today, myself included. It's so easy to think the worst, even as a father, so don't have mommies guilt remorse, but also try to remain calm so you can think clearly and do the right things to ensure your child is safe and not to upset them when you do find them perfectly safe and sound and ambivalent to our fears.
Actually, Sunday, we were at the mall here and SA ran away from us at the food court to go back to the carousel. When I finally caught up to her, I gave her the "someone might take you!" talk, but then felt guilty. I don't want my child to be scared to get our out eye sight of me or afraid of every stranger. The greatest development in a child occurs when we allow them to explore and push their boundaries (both mentally and physically) without fear of reprisal from a parent. Obviously within reason as Amanda points out, but still, I really don't want to instill any of my paranoia into her! haha.
Oh yeah I know I overreacted, but it felt like a milestone. First time overreacting and letting my worst fears take over!
It is an interesting and very important question for us parents, though. How much freedom do we give vs. how much caution do we teach? Right now Adele is at zero caution. I have yet to explain to her the concept of strangers, though I think it's just about time. I love her innocence in assuming everyone she meets is a friend, so it will be sad to burst that bubble. I think I'll try and do it one step at a time.
I don't know if it's more safe or less safe now but unfortunately we know more which makes us more obligated to protect our kids. Chris and I were just talking the other day about when is a child old enough to roam the neighborhood mostly unattended. He was leaning towards never--ha ha. (To clarify he works with victims of sexual assault so he's hyper aware.) But we agreed about the idea of slowly backing off so she gets some freedom but still keeping an eye out and being vigilant.
We have a Berenstein Bears book about strangers and I stopped reading it to SA b/c it seemed too scary, haha. I mean, it meant well, but it made everyone seem bad, ha. The moral at the end was good, but it just went the wrong way of doing it.
I think bursting the bubble slowly is better b/c I don't think they can comprehend any significance of the real story anyways. I mean, if she can't understand why we don't want her jumping head first off the couch, she isn't going to understand the risks involved with strangers! But obviously, the risks depend a lot on your environment. Where I grew up, no one locked their doors or cars and we didn't even have locks on our high school lockers. Nothing ever happened. Also, there is a big difference if you live on a cul-de-sac or in the middle of Del Ray like our house is or downtown DC.
But I share your parenting worry as well; that is spilling my paranoid or even well founded fears and nightmares with her in a way that causes her to have fears! If anything I want to do as a parent is put off having to deal with grown up fears and life as long as possible for her! ha.
And what I felt like adding when I wrote this is p.s., I'm pregnant so that pretty much explains any overreaction.
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