Substitutes

I was going to post pictures from out trip some weeks ago, but I can't find that stupid cord that goes from my camera to my computer. And, I always forget to look for it when I actually have the time. Meanwhile, congratulations to my brother and sister-in-law that probably don't even know this blog exists! Healthy baby girl # 4born 1:30 am today! (I guess that means my new niece has the same birthday as my pal, Abz! Happy Birthday to both!) And now, here are the substitutes from google images:

The Rantings of a Street "Crazy" (a transcription)

I heard this being shouted to the general populace around noon today:

"The things they teach you
You are a Pinnochio puppet
You are a puppet with a ventriloquist
Everything THEY say
Comes through YOU
And THAT worries ME"

I thought it was pretty good.

This blog is on hold

Like that's new, right? This oh-so-active blog will be taking a two week hiatus while I am out of the country.

How did I get here? (part A)

Sometimes I have a Talking Heads moment. You know "This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful [husband]" etc. Not that I'm living some kind of pool-side charmed life, but sometimes it seems like just yesterday I was starting my first part-time job at KFC. So anyway I feel like tracing all the jobs I have held in my life in the hopes of establishing a pattern. My guess is the pattern will spell F-E-A-R O-F C-O-M-M-I-T-M-E-N-T.

1) KFC - age 16 summer through early fall until my Dad told me I needed to quit to concentrate on my "studies." Maybe he thought I was going on to become a neuro-physicist (does that exist?)

2) Pizza Hut - age 17 near the end of Senior Year, I think through the summer before college. I was actually quite bad at this job. I was a Pizza Hut waitress, but usually everyone just got the buffet.

3) Boston Market - about the same time as Pizza Hut. Yes, my food service career continues, but Boston Market felt like a step up. Not so greasy and less creeps working there.

4) McDonald's - I honestly got this job just to feel well-rounded in fast food. I got this my freshman year of college and quit two weeks later. (p.s., there is a pattern coming--it's called freshman year).

5) Telemarketing job #1 - I can't remember the name of the company b/c I held this job for about a week. I really wanted some extra money freshman year, but I just couldn't get myself to keep any of these jobs, b/c - let's face it - they sucked (and I was too busy having fun and getting crappy grades I would have to make up for later). I remember calling a few people and hearing some sad stories about how they just lost their job, their mom died, they were paying off an operation b/c they didn't have health insurance and numerous other good reasons for leaving them alone. I basically agreed that I should leave them alone and quit.

6) Enzo's Pizza - this might have happened at an earlier or later time, I can't remember, but it was when I lived at home with my parents so probably during the summer. I got the job and was fired a couple days later b/c oh yeah I'm not old enough to serve alcohol.

7) Data Entry Job - at home, very early summer after Freshman year (actually I'm sure it was still spring). I had this job for a week and got fired b/c I actually suck at data entry. I really, really suck at it. I remember crying all the way home. It is to this day the only time I have been fired for pure incompetence and the last time I was fired at all.

8) Chester Diner - Waitress. Also summer freshman year. This job was all right and I was all right at it, but it was really hard sometimes. I would work til 2 am sometimes and there was always all this bustling around, barking voices, intense looks from managers and the need to smile at the customers always. Once someone told me I looked like I'd been raised on a farm. Most of the waitresses there were world-weary single moms with two jobs, trying to get by. I was instead a college student home for the summer. So yes there was a difference.

9) Lab Technician - I got this job solely b/c my dad worked for the company. (that's right--privilege of the upper middle class). Also I had been thinking about majoring in microbiology b/c I really liked my freshman biology class. This lasted from June through August, summer of 97 after Freshman Year. Because this was a good solid full-time job that paid very well compared to what I was used to, I eventually quit the waitress job (for a while I did both). This is easily the most mind-numbing job I have ever had. But it was good money. I took this same job in summer 98, but i felt a little guilty b/c during my sophomore year I dropped out of microbiology and became an English major (shh: all the English major "internships" don't pay anything).

10) Dishwasher - I don't remember having any job experiences during sophomore year. I was lucky enough to have earned enough at my death-to-personality lab tech job to pay tuition (BYU is cheap and my parents paid for room and board). However early in my junior year Fall 98, I started getting that I'm going to need some money itch again and signed up to be a dishwasher. Another job I quit within the week. Seriously, $5/hour to wear an apron and stand all day and wash dishes full of gross fatty college food. I mean KFC was way better than that. Why I kept taking these jobs I would inevitably quit is probably based on some deep psychological need. Or pure stupidity of someone whose brain is not yet fully developed.

11) Assisted Living (fake) CNA - This job I kept for about a year. Yes, job #11 was the one that finally ended the pattern of starting and quitting on a whim. It was hard, but I liked it. I really liked the old people. I really liked being trusted with the responsibility to care for them. I really liked the homey atmosphere (there were about ten residents). There was plenty of gross stuff to deal with--three words: Exploding Colostomy Bag. But it was the first job where I felt like I was really doing something useful. I liked it so much more. This brings us to age twenty and a good stopping point.

tryptophan

Somebody brought in a fried turkey to work. So nice of them. I just finished eating my portion about ten minutes ago

I'm already feeling tired lately so tired + durgs, I mean drugs, even if naturally occuring = me passed out and slobbering on the keyboard in a few more minutes . . .

Everyone gets a second chance at rock stardom

The band is preparing for a gig, despite lacking our co-leader, which seems to make me the leader, which is okay but a little weird. Can we confirm that this gig is happening? Anyway, we may well play all eight songs that we know, which will be most triumphant. I am teaching the bass player to play lead guitar on one song. Our drummer is going to sing one song. I guess it makes no sense for me to play the drums on any of the songs, especially because I'm not any good, but I wish I could. At the very least I will stomp on a tambourine while playing rhythm guitar. Everybody wants to stomp on a tambourine.

Winners

So it looks like the poll is over and we have a winner and that winner is Jordan. Though Jordan does have the advantage of a more polished sound than the rest of the entries (according to association rules only the song itself matters), I think this was a fair assessment as it was one very catchy tune. The association rules also say Jordan is now in charge of picking the next challenge, but that may or may not happen on this blog.

Anyway we are really all winners as those were all pretty decent entries. Isn't it fantastic? Just by trying you win. Feel proud of yourselves.

And yes I do think it is fair to cite association rules even though there may technically be no association.

Tales of woe and woah (challenge # 3 answered)

So the contest this time ended up being between me and my brother and my brother's friends. This is because all the other songwriters I know are either a)lazy or b)afraid. Oh, except of course there's El Esposo, who--though a wonderful non-lazy non-afraid human being, has been busy with "other stuff." And I better come out with this: My song is not really MINE, though I did perform it solo. It belongs to the band Minus Dave, which consists of former members of the band The Curators, excepting co-lead singer and little brother, Dave (in other words Me--who wrote the melody and half the lyrics, the Drummer and Future Senator--who wrote the music, and the Enigmatic Bass Player--who wrote the other half of the lyrics).

FYI, Little Brother's friends are actually pretty darn good. This is going to be a hard vote. Just like American Idol!

For your listening pleasure, entries by:

Dave
Minus Dave
Jordan
Spencer

Minor setback, down in flames, or into the sunset

So far I have received two entries to the songwriting challenge. I am told there will be two more. I am still working on mine. I've got the beginning and the middle, but I can't decide on the ending. I am torn almost equally between the protagonist experiencing a minor setback, going down in flames, or riding off into the sunset. I have always felt this way, but ever since seeing the movie Stranger than Fiction, I feel even more the burden it is to decide the fate of made-up people.

Here's a question: Would some kind of two-way radio device work inside a hot air balloon with the other party several miles away on the ground?

If yes I can totally finish the song.

I think I'm converting

(Don't forget the Songwriter's Challenge.)

To the VRE, of course! I've spent the past two and a half years taking the bus and metro every day and now I'm turning my back on all that. This would never have been possible without the sponsorship of my dear employer, who is now reimbursing for travel expenses as the VRE is only a hair cheaper than parking downtown everyday.

In total the VRE is not really faster than bus/metro since it doesn't stop that near to my office. However, there are other pluses.

#1. Built in Exercise. I really mean to exercise more but I don't usually. When I get home I usually start working on a side project I have going on (because I love love work). The VRE stop is somewhere around eight or nine blocks from my office instead of the one block I used to walk from the metro. Not only that but I get to walk across the national mall when it is relatively peaceful and gee, it's kind of pretty. Also, when I get up early enough I can also walk to the station from my house.

#2. It's Comfier. It is easier to both sleep my way to work and, if I choose to, work on my laptop, as it is less bumpy and the chairs are a wee bit nicer on the bottom.

#3. More Reliable. I know VRE has not won any awards for reliability so in general it may not be more reliable than metro. But it is much more reliable than MY bus route. I have missed the morning bus on an average of once per week since I moved. I was probably spoiled where I used to live as the bus route was one of the most reliable in the system, but I just can not deal with standing outside for 15 minutes in the cold for no reason at a rate of once per week when no other buses are coming because the last bus of the morning came five minutes early! So far the VRE never comes earlier than I expect, and if it's coming later at least I KNOW I haven't missed it due to the other hundred people at the station.

#4. There's a bathroom AND you're allowed to drink water. I don't think I need to explain this one, but just say Hallelujah.

Don't get me wrong; there are things that bother me about the VRE, not the least of which being the tomb-like silence that pervades. Sometimes I wonder whether anyone would make a peep if I started having a heart attack. You think the metro is quiet? Try the VRE. However, this morning I met a nice woman named Patricia, and the tomb-like silence was broken.

Fiscal Responsibility and Rock

Though I may have been called a liberal, politically, I am quite fiscally conservative in my personal life. El Esposo and I just bought some musical instruments the other day, but the money we spent is completely accounted for within our budget and no credit was necessary. Little things like taking lunch to work, making my falling apart boots last one more winter, holding onto my "allowance" money like a miser over the months, often using the "cash back" feature of my credit card to pay for our entertainment (yes, I am THAT cheap), and El Esposo saving every last penny of the tip money he has made (very much in the style of obsessive compulsive) over a couple years playing gui-tar at a certain place every week, make it so we can afford a new keyboard:



and the guitar El Esposo has been drooling over since birth:

We also shopped around A LOT before dropping the cash and made a list of must have and nice-to-have features for the keyboard, did a cost-benefit analysis, and voila.

On the other hand, we are fiscally lucky to the max. Neither of us has lost a job as the economy has been tanking and the money we lost in the stock market was pretty small potatoes since we're young. My raise last year was perfectly the amount we needed to buy our new place with enough money down so we won't have to worry as much to pay the mortgage, which is technically less than the rent of our last relatively affordable one bedroom apartment (not including taxes and stuff).

So, this is where our fiscal luck starts to run out: Because we bought our house a week before the end of last year instead of this year, we will have to pay back the $8000 first-time homebuyer tax credit we get this year. But, the truth is, that's more our style anyway. Though I would like to add a provision that since we are paying our tax break back, our children owe $8000 less towards the deficit, but instead I guess we'll just have to try and teach them fiscal responsibility so they can handle whatever is asked of them.

In this attitude, I went to the recovery.gov website and left this comment, which possibly no one will ever read:

"I really like the idea of this site and hope that it lives up to its promise to track how the money is spent and how the recovery is manifest. We have all heard a lot about accountability and transparency from President Obama, and I am sure that he realizes accountability means not only reporting on the good stuff. What I would really like to see added, either here or elsewhere as a .gov site is a way to track how the stimulus/recovery is being paid for. I realize it is not being paid for up front and the government is essentially taking out a gigantic loan to be paid for by our future prosperity. I'm not going to object to that idea as I have not done enough research to counter it. However, since all loans need to be paid back, I would like to see that activity tracked. I understand that the immediate focus is economic recovery, but following quickly on its heels has got to be balancing the budget and reducing the deficit. I would love to see the connection made between the two. I supported President Obama in the election and especially identified with his talk of responsibility. Why not use the government to model the kind of responsibility we all need in our own individual households?"

And, if you'll excuse me, it is now time to rock.

P.S., THE CONTEST IS STILL RUNNING THROUGH FEB 28.

Challenge #3: Story Time

It's songwriting challenge # 3!!! Ladies and gents, you know the rules. 1)Write a marvelous song that involves singing (or something like it) and an instrument of some kind based on a prompt, 2)record that song using the most basic of equipment (e.g., garageband on mac or whatever you can download free on your pc) on one track if at all possible, 3)email that track to rocktastica at gmail dot com, and 4)then we (participants and the huge audience at rocktastica) vote. For this one you get until Saturday, February 28th.

The prompt: Write a song that tells a story. A song that just sort of refers to events that might make up a story does not count. This should be a regular beginning-middle-end type of story. For examples, see Springsteen's The River or Clem Snide's Mike Kalinsky.

Of wasteful spending and stimuli

On facebook, one of the many people that signed up to be "friends" with me because el esposo refuses to succumb to facebook . . .
(both of which are fine, by the way -- 1) there's a very good reason to stay away from facebook: the like i need more ways to waste time online argument, AND 2) people I don't really know might want to someday see pictures of our future progeny to satisfy their curiousity and whatever that's probably ok as long as el esposo knows that you are not a psycho). . .
anyway, this guy, posted this article about what's wrong with the stimulus bill currently under debate.

I don't doubt that there may be some things wrong with the stimulus bill, but I do think that we should take time to get past the semantics that make something seem bad (let's face it; anything can be made to seem bad or good) and understand the programs we are talking about before getting all smug and sneery about the horrible wasteful spending or anything for that matter. It's called critical reading, my friends. I'm sure YOU all understand that anyway, but I don't think everyone does. And politicians often count on the fact that we aren't critical readers and prefer sound-bytes for rallying around. Have I ever fallen for this? Almost definitely.

For example, on their list of offenders is this beauty: $160 million for "paid volunteers" at the Corporation for National and Community Service.

I cringe to hear the term "paid volunteers." Isn't that an oxymoron? How can this be? And look how they put it in quotes! The ultimate shame.

But wait, I've actually been a "paid volunteer" before, haven't I? In a program that fell under the Corporation for National and Community Service, and Americorps, called the Student Conservation Association (which gets a lot of their donations from individuals and some of their donations through Americorps). I made a cool $42 per "paycheck" (every two weeks) so that I could buy dirt cheap groceries for myself. I also received an education award at the end of my three-month stint for $1000.

In return I was a park ranger and led student groups on tours and educational activities, sometimes taking kids that had lived their whole lives inside the city on a hike in the mountains, and teaching all ages about the world around them. The experience really changed my life and I like to think I helped change the lives of some of the children, who got to learn in a different environment for once, and maybe become interested in biology in a way they never had before. Most of the SCA volunteers I have known, though, are workhorses, while I in comparison was a bit of a wuss. They are doing hard labor maintaining and updating trails all over the country. And of course Americorps sponsors all kinds of volunteerism, from conservation activities to community development to youth programs. Last I checked, a year-long volunteer in Americorps programs got a teeny-tiny stipend like mine and an education award of around $5000. These kind of programs serve mainly college-age young adults, but it varies, and they provide the opportunity to do something good for someone else on a full-time basis and not have to get an extra job on the side to afford it.

So that's a "paid volunteer." Just in case you were wondering.

The rub is that I'm pretty lazy about this stuff. Am I "MJ the soon-to-be-business-owner Writer" taxpayer generica going to examine the whole stinkin' stimulus bill? Nah. I just hope they don't screw up too bad and that they include some smart energy technology stuff. And okay the $7500 tax credit for homebuyers would really sweeten our deal. But truth be told, I'm not so sure that's a good idea to not make us pay that back. I mean we are going to need to create some revenue at some point, right? Or is that the job of my unborn progeny?

The only real point I have is that not everything is as it seems.

zero to awesome

the songwriter's challenge returns. i bet you thought i'd given up. well, i nearly had but little brother came up with a challenge. i'm just waiting for a return phone call to clarify something and it will be posted here in the rare case that random-person-i'm-not-already-related-to wants to participate.

in other news, minus dave might be getting together soon (aka the curators minus little brother) for a reunion show at my friend's house party.

also, el esposo played a show last friday with such style. it was too short though.

and the band room is ready for action. we christened it with a jam session the other day and i'm thinking we need to bang the hll out of the drums while the townhouse next to ours is still vacant. ideally we need to get really good at the drums, lay down some tracks for the cds we were working on oh a couple years ago or so, and finally be done with it. any tips from drummers out there? zero to awesome in one month?

Because your kiss is on my . . .

El Esposo and I are sitting in Taco Bell last night (that's right, Taco Bell--eat your heart out--this is our awesome life) when this charming mediocre elevator-y number from the eighties comes on. I'll refresh you: "Because your kiss, your kiss is on my . . . because your kiss, your kiss I can't resist. Because your kiss is on my . . . for the rest of my life." (Basically it sucks). Anyway, we are in the mood to have fun with song lyrics on our way to check out this sledding hill down the road for what may be our one and only chance this year.

Side-note: Every year El Esposo gets excited about sledding and is always talking about how we should go and I'm always like, "On 1/2 an inch of snow? At the most? That's not sledding; that's called grassburn." I'm a party pooper, right? So last night I'm trying to make up for it since we live in the suburbs now and we got maybe two inches before that nice layer of ice, and anyway we find ourselves at Taco Bell because our kitchen is half-tiled and not really usable.

So I'm making Jerry Seinfeld-style jokes:

"What sort of list are we talking about here? The good list? The bad list? A list? B list? Naughty list? List of people I have kissed before? That's not really saying much."

And El Esposo asks what am I talking about. "Um," I hesitate because I'm thinking it's pretty seriously obvious, and then I say "Your kiss is on my list?"

To which El Esposo replies, "It's lips, not list. List doesn't even make sense."

It's a good point, but I'm still thinking, "Who said anything about sense? It rhymes with can't resist."

So which is it? Try and resist the temptation to google.

p.s., sledding was not bad at all

Working from home

It's 2:37 pm and I am still in my PJ's. I have more reasons than that to thank Martin Luther King, Jr. (who seriously was inspirational beyond almost anyone except maybe Helen Keller, right?), but nevertheless it is a perk I enjoy, and it is no small thing as my commute is increasingly burdensome.

Yesterday, El Esposo and I cataloged all of our home improvement completed so far and what still remains. It's a lot on both ends, but I'm beginning to really like this place. Just for fun, here's some stuff that was on the list for week one (aka Christmas week)

12/22
Closed on house
Painted master bedroom
Up until 2:30am with the intoxicated carpet dude
12/23
Finished painting master bedroom
Spackled hole in office wall and a little throughout house
12/24
Painted office
Painted living room/hallways/stairway
12/26
Painted dining room
Hung blinds in office
Installed switch covers
Carpet installed
De-Christmased the tree in front yard (for the first time in years)
Installed powder room light fixture and mirror
12/27
Moved out and in/assembled furniture (bed, bookshelf, etc.)
Moved and installed fridge
Installed cupboard “liners”
Unpacked essentials

Here's a picture of the dining room, where I ate my lunch today.

Bah. I spent most of today troubleshooting technology.

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It's time to name . . . . . . the company

Nope, not the baby.

Anyway, one of my freelance non-profit "clients" wants to actually pay me to do some actual writing, so it occurs to me that I need to be able to actually bill them, so I need an actual company. Yes, actually. Even though I fancy myself a writer, I am crap at titles. My main idea right now is "Melissa, the writer" with or without the comma. That's the sort of ideas a near-genius-level IQ will get you.

What does your near-genius-level IQ have for me?

I will not be running into the President-Elect at Subway after all

Apparently we are not allowed to leave the building right now as it is a security risk because Obama's doing . . . something (leaving for or coming back from his big meeting at the white house today?). Glad I brought my lunch today.

So, do we need to get Obama a pope-mobile or something?

Update: Okay, it was a suspicious package issue. Obama probably wasn't even there at all today since he was having lunch with 4 presidents.

No I did not catch a glimpse of the President-elect from the window this morning

But several of my coworkers did.

Obama's transition team HQ is in the building across the street, which appears as drab as ours. I heard the rumor of Obama arriving from my cubicle, but did not clamor at the window across the room. It's a long walk and I'm not very fond of clamoring. Maybe later this week. Or maybe I'll run into him at Subway or Potbelly. Wreck on wheat?